Speak to just about anyone who's even moderately interested in self-help, psychology and all that 'goal setting stuff' and they'll tell you how important it is to maintain a 'positive mindset' about the challenges you're facing and the goals you're trying to achieve.

Ask them about HOW you go about that and, as sure as sure can be, they'll tell you that one of THE most powerful ways to bring about a positive outlook is to use affirmations and positive self statements such as "I am a winner" or "I can do this!" or "I am unstoppable" and countless other statements of a similar type that are intended to have us perk up and feel better and more positive about the situations we find ourselves in.

No doubt you, like many, have used affirmations from time to time, right?

I know I certainly have and I've used them consistently for several decades to 'pump me up' when I'm feeling low or to focus me when I've been... well... unfocused.

Some people swear by them, some say they're a waste of time and some say they're puzzled and confused by the fact that their affirmations only seem to work SOME of the time. 

So what's really going on here? 

Are affirmations a complete waste of time or are they something we should put more emphasis on? 

Do they REALLY help or could they even be harmful?

Interestingly enough, there's a growing body of research that says 'yes' to all of these questions.

Well, several researchers have found that the power and impact of affirmation really all comes down to HOW aligned we ALREADY are with the statements we're making. 

In other words, if we already believe that the thing we're affirming is true (or could be true) about us then they tend to have the positive and uplifting effect intended.

However, if we DON'T believe in what we're affirming or don't really believe that what we're saying could be true for us in the future then the impact is likely to be negligible at best and even harmful in the worst cases.

It all comes down to something called 'latitudes of acceptance' where messages, ideas and beliefs that are closely aligned with those we already hold are more powerful, persuasive and readily accepted than those further removed.

Those ideas that are further away from our currently held beliefs are likely to be resisted or, as the researchers noted, 'backfire' and be harmful to the goal or objectives we're working toward by causing us to hold on even tighter to our previously held beliefs.

For example, if a person has a strongly held belief that they are unloveable and yet they are asked to engage in the affirmation "I am loveable" it's both possible and highly probable that they will not only refute the statement but actually gather MORE evidence for why their original statement is true.

This is because the beliefs we hold about ourselves are identity-level definitions that put us 'at risk' whenever they are challenged or altered without the active and intentional process of re-definition. 

As adults, we can't just be TOLD who we are, we need to create, identify with and believe the statements used to describe us... even by ourselves.

Further, other researchers found other mechanisms by which positive affirmations may have negative consequences by reminding those who use them about the gap between their intentions and their reality and causing them to feel like they are violating important self-standards and values.

And VERY important too!

After all, the very premise of coaching is based upon creating STRONGER and CLEARER definitions of self in order create the greater confidence and belief required to engage in the new and often challenging behaviours required to help our clients to succeed and yet here we have clear examples of how one of the most commonly used coaching and self help tools in the form of positive self-affirmation may actually be damaging and harmful... at least, in some circumstances.

Well, like all good coaching, the answer lies in creating something that feels personal, powerful, believable and true to the individual client.

Rather than using 'shotgun' feel-good statements that the client is likely to reject, start by exploring aspects of their self-identity and definitions that are ALREADY true to them. 

For example, instead of the statement "I am loveable" which they may not truly believe in, they might substitute "I am committed to experiencing love in my life" which is (hopefully) true for them AND has the added bonus of expressing a desire for growth.

Instead of "I am successful and happy" which may be a huge stretch of the imagination and cause them to reflect on their reality that they are struggling and miserable, they might say instead "I constantly look for ways to attract success and live happily".

See the difference?

Rather than being hopeful 'wishful-thinking' that might not reflect how the clients see themselves, these affirmations are identity-based and growth focused and, if acted on, are VERY believable.

There's no absolutely 'right' affirmation that a person 'should' use, but as the research is indicating, there are plenty that could yield the unskilful results if used thoughtlessly, unintentionally or out of alignment with deeply held beliefs about how people see themselves.

The real challenge for coaches then, is how to tie together the clients' current paradigm and belief system with their aspirational objectives, goals and desires and, as usual, the foundation appears to be starting with the truth.

USE affirmations as part of your coaching practice... but use them SKILFULLY.

In practice, what that means is using them in a way that forms a bridge between how your clients ALREADY see themselves and how they ASPIRE to be in their day-to-day REAL-LIFE worlds.

In other words, help them to identify and USE what's they already believe and what's already true in their lives rather than engaging in wishy-washy, meaningless and almost obsessive repeating of what they'd LIKE to be true for themselves.

Because (as you've no doubt heard countless times) the truth WILL set you free.

And isn't that the very premise that all coaching is based upon anyway?

1. "Positive self-statements: power for some, peril for others." Wood JV, Perunovic WQ,
Lee JW. Psychol Sci. 2009 Jul;20(7):860-6. doi: 10.1111/j.1467-9280.2009.02370.x. Epub 2009 May 21.

2. "Two paths of defense: Specific versus compensatory reactions to self-threat" Donna Eisenstadt, John L. Hicks, Kevin Mcintyre, Jennifer A. Rivers, and Michael Cahill. Self And Identity Vol. 5 , Iss. 1,2006

3. "The Self-Comparison and Self-Discrcepant Feedback: Consequences of Learning You Are What You Thought You Were Not" Eisenstadt, D. and Leippe, M.R. (1994) Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 67, 4, 611-626